I had a moment of pure joy today.  I was sitting in my awesome living room in the rad Hollywood apartment I share with my amazing boyfriend, watching Glee on Netflix (I heart you Cory Monteith RIP), and addressing countless envelopes to send out the soundtrack to Out of Print for my Kickstarter backers. I looked up and thought – I am exactly where I want to be right now. I smiled and took a celebratory sip of my Mello Yello.

 

I have had a few film festival rejections the last few weeks –  and they are no fun for anyone. And although I’ve had some bad days, I feel like a positive change is coming just around the corner.  I feel like I am standing on the edge of a giant cliff, about to finally take the next step off into the unknown. Once Out of Print premieres and begins to gather up steam, my life is going to go in a crazy new direction – one that I am so excited to discover, no matter what happens with the film.  The waiting to hear back from festivals has been killing me, but Ive taken this pent up energy and using it to write treatments as many ideas as I can  – so that if, and when, I am asked “what I have coming up next” I will have lots of answers – A novel, a couple of screen plays, documentaries, a TV show, 35mm storage solutions, etc – so I feel like this stagnant period has actually been productive.

 

I am so interested to see if my film speaks to audiences and inspires them to seek our their local cinemas . THAT is the goal of my film. To show people how important community is when it comes to cinema.  And to make every person who supported me along the way – all of my Kickstarter backers, my cast and crew, my friends and family, the folks helping me make my 35mm print, everyone – proud. When I first started working on this film, the thought of having to make all of these people proud terrified me. How could I possibility make a film worthy of everyone? But now I see that all anyone wants is for me to make the best film I can possibly make – nothing more. And I think I can say in all honesty that I made that film.

 

After waiting so restlessly for  “my future to begin” for so many months, today really opened my eyes to the fact that by focusing on the future, I am missing out on just how groovy my present is. Living with the man I adore in a sweet Hollywood pad with all of the VHS and vinyl a girl could ask for, sending out CD’s of the soundtrack (composed by my amazing older brother) for the feature length documentary that I raised over $80,000 to make and which will make its world premiere in the next six months. Yessir. I’d say no matter what the future may bring, I’m a lucky girl – right now.