When you write things on a public forum like, say, the internet, it’s accessible for everyone to read. That sentiment is so obvious that it is ridiculous to write. And yet, when you really stop to think about it, it’s pretty mind blowing. I started this blog on January second and in less than one month three thousand people have looked at it. THREE THOUSAND.
My tiny pea brain can’t even begin to comprehend that. Who are these people? What did they think after reading what I wrote? Where did they find my blog? (yes, I realize I was posted on Ain’t It Cool News and that is a gigantic hub.) Through google alerts I was also notified that my blog was linked to on Eddie Izzard’s Daily Paper, The Dallas Times, the 2011 Vans Warped Tour and the LA Kings websites. What?! Plus, I had people approach me at the New Beverly and say they enjoyed reading my piece – well, that was just doubly confounding.
Which is not to say i’m not thrilled. I am. Absolutely. I just didn’t think that three thousand people would ever read something that I wrote. So now, of course, i’m trying to come up with a way for this blog to be useful in some way. To me, to the New Bev, to the world, who knows? I feel like because I have the ability to reach so many people at once that I should say something important here, and not just talk about getting punched in the face and what kind of 80’s food I miss. But that’s when I start writing for other people, and not for myself, and the whole point of this blog is to express my own opinions right? I don’t know. I don’t know what the point of this is, or where it will lead, or who will read it or why. These sort of questions become a never ending downward spiral.
A blog is supposed to be a sort of online diary. A censored, grammatically correct, thought out, checked, double checked not particularly stream of consciousness diary. I have a real diary, a pen on paper one, and of course I would never write on here what I write in there. So even though this blog is ostensibly for me, it’s really not. On some level I am always taking into consideration who will read this. Am I looking for recognition? Am I hoping that people will continue reading this, be delighted and amused by the intelligent and witty insights on here and recommend it to their friends? Link to it on their twitters and facebooks and webpages? Maybe a director will read it and say “Julia! Yes! The muse I have been waiting for to complete my next picture!”? Maybe a famous publisher will read it and say “Julia! Yes! A fantastic writer and observer of humanity! Let’s give her lots of money and send her to live in London for a year and write about her experiences, all expenses paid.”
I’d like to think i’m not that shallow. I fear that I am.
So unless I want to over think this inconsequential thing the only thing to do is just keep on chugging away. Write about things that interest me, whether or not they make a great deal of change in the world. Describe how the world looks through my eyes. That’s all any of us can do, right? And if people read it, great. If I brighten one persons’ day, or makes one person smile, i’d like to think that its worthwhile.
And to all of you three thousand out there, a most heartfelt thank you.